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Monday, April 23, 2012

captain's log : logs during the finals

9:03 PM

My logs during my final exams.

Friday
I picked up my macroeconomics book. The stress and pressure is building up. After reading a few points on my reviewer, I ended up sleeping the rest of Friday. At the back of my head, I knew it's going to be a very tight schedule, because I need extra help for Discrete Math -- and I haven't started on it.

Saturday
I woke up at 9am. I put my lectures in my bag and I went to work. I was late for 30 seconds. Still. I was late. Saturday was grueling. I was studying, reading and working at the same time. It's a very exhausting effort. I came home at 6pm. There was no drum practice, so I napped. My mind was weary, but I did get some studying done.

Sunday
I woke up at 4am. My adrenaline was pumping, because I was worried about my Discrete Math. I sensed procrastination from it. Nevertheless, I continued reading my macro-econ notes under the silence of the very early morning. I gave up and slept around 7am. I woke up at 10am, it's Sunday and I should go to church. But I was too tired and weary, I slept-in. I woke up at 3pm and started my long review for macro-econ. There was a break at 10pm. I napped afterwards.

Monday
It's Monday. Tomorrow's the big macro-econ day. I woke up at 2am. I ate and studied until 8am. Then I slept. I woke up at 3pm, but I didn't want to work; it was really hard leaving the house. But I still went to work. 5pm to 7:15pm, I was able to study and work at the same time. We were told to take our breaks at 7:15pm to 7:45pm, and then go to an important briefing. 8:30pm to 10pm, no studying; I focused with my work. I went home and read my notes in the bus. I still haven't been able to start on my Discrete Math. Argh. Break at 10:30pm to 11:59pm, with dinner and some facebook games.

Tuesday
It is now Tuesday, 12am. I continued reading until 2am. I had to sleep. But no, I couldn't. I just napped and woke up 4am, wide eyed. Two hours? I shrugged and just continued reading until 7am. I got ready and left home at 8am. Traffic was bad and I read some notes in the bus. I haven't eaten breakfast yet and I initially planned eating breakfast at A&W. But I didn't expect this traffic, so I was having second thoughts.

I knew that my brain wouldn't function well with an empty stomach. If I order to go, I wouldn't know where to eat in the building in peace, not to mention the time. 'Whatever. Just eat.' I thought. I ordered in with my bacon and egger. I ate like a madman... with manners, mind you. 8:49am, I had to hurry to the campus that's 5 blocks away. Exam started exactly at 9am and I barely made it.

Macroecon exam in progress
The exam's worth 100 marks. I was still catching my breath from dashing into the building; we're at the fourth floor too. Everyone's already started answering their worksheet, while I was still shading the bubbles for my name and student number. When all was set and done, I cleared my throat to officially begin answering the exam. I spent an hour figuring out those multiple choices and the true or false section. I finished 40 marks. It's time for the long answers and rubbed my hands. I should've seen the next thing coming -- my sleep deprived brain went blank. I managed to answer one long question properly. That's 20 marks in the bag. But I found myself frisking for answers from the rest of the two long questions. I didn't know what to do. So I continued looking for the set of questions I can answer -- even if I could earn a few marks. In the end, I missed about 26 marks. I've learned a lot of lessons from that morning -- at least I should've studied more in advance. At the back of my mind, I blamed my work because it takes my study time away. I knew that I could've done better. Still, after I handed in my paper, I couldn't help feel my relief that I finished this exam. My macroecon pre-final grade is at 85% already, so I'm not worried.

I grabbed something to eat before going home. When I got home and had my lunch, I took my sleep where I left off. I woke up at 9pm and started my Discrete Math study. I don't like this subject and I want to pass it already. At least there was something I've learned from studying Discrete Math: my book, my handouts, my notes, they're not making sense.

Wendesday
I woke up at 3pm again. I received an email from work that HR is accepting voluntary cancellations for the evening. I leaped to the phone and called the office right away. Unfortunately, it was too good to be true, HR said that they were no longer accepting voluntary cancellations; I had to go to work. I cried in exasperation.

I didn't want to go to work and I badly needed to study. I thought that if I would do the same routine yesterday, I would be sleep deprived with my brain blanking out on me. I cannot afford that, since this is the harder exam. I prayed that it would be a short shift instead, and I left for work. Long story short - I had to work overtime, it was a bad shift, and I missed my bus home. I was wondering why my Wednesday turned out that way.

I have only a few hours left. I came home at 11pm and didn't touch anything -- no computer. I just read my old assignments and my past exams; I studied even if things still didn't make sense. During this point, at this time, I truly felt that everything was beyond my control. To whom shall I turn to? My mind was tired. It's late. The exam starts at 9am. So I prayed. Even though I wasn't in the mood to pray, and even though I've just had a very bad Wednesday, I prayed.

Thursday
It is now 2am. I slept, and believe it or not, I dreamed of theorems 8.2, 8.3, the binomial theorem, enumeration, Principles of Mathematic Induction, the proof that square root of 3 is irrational, contradictions, direct and contrapositive proofs; all were running around my head. I woke up at 6am, longer than my two hour sleep back in Tuesday. I read the last bits of my handouts, and then I closed all my notes. I ate breakfast first and showered. I left around 8:20am. I arrived on time and sat before the exam room, eagerly waiting for everything to finish. I was excited to answer, because after this means FREEDOM!

Discrete Math exam in progress
During the exam, I was slow and steady in answering. Each question was lengthy. I think I spent 1 1/2 hour on the first 4 questions. We were given three hours for the whole final exam. I answered 24 marks. 76 to go! Holy cannoli! I had to hurry!

When you're feeling rushed into an exam that needs careful analysis, let's just say it's not a calming experience. I needed 26 more marks to wing it. Nevertheless, I looked for the easy questions. But... I COULDN'T FIND ONE! As I answered one question, it took me 30 minutes to finish it. And then it came down to the last hour. Still, I pressed on. Eventually, my pace became rough when the professor announced that there was only 45 minutes left. I haven't counted how many questions I've answered, and I wasn't sure whether I've answered enough questions to make it past 50 marks. Well, I did whatever good and professional student would do; I panicked.

I learned that I shouldn't have looked over my notes at the last minute, because I forgot the rest of my theorems! And what I read last minute didn't even show up in my exam!

Lovely.

5 minutes left. I managed to answer one question in full. I looked over another question and scribbled some stuff on it hoping to get 'partial' points -- again -- just hopefully. The exam was over. Time's up. It was my first leaving me scratching my head why 3 hours felt like 1 hour. The 3 hours wasn't enough to finish such monstrosity. It was a long and grueling battle. But man... IT FELT SO GOOD AFTER! IT'S OVER! FINALLY!

I went to get something to eat. A little celebration. This concludes my 2011-12 winter term.

Now... about my grades...

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Monday, April 09, 2012

captain's log : It's April?!

1:34 AM

It's been a very long week again for yours truly. It was that time of the year again when I had to work in-between two holidays, Good Friday and Easter Sunday. Saturday was epic as ever, I've had three hours of sleep and I was fasting. I started fasting Friday night, but it was unusual that I didn't really get hungry nor lightheaded when I went to work. Why did I fast? There's a lot of different type of fasting, and the term fasting isn't religious or biblical; it means abstaining from food or other things. I was fasting, because I wanted something more than to fill my stomach or meet my personal needs. I wanted to be intimate with God. This site isn't religious or anything, but when I look back to the things I've been through, when I see what I have right now, knowing that life is still a struggle, I can just say one thing: Thank God.

Finally, lectures are over! I am final bound. There'll be two months of break for me. And my one class starts on July until August 21st. ACS-1803, Intro to Information Systems. I'm wondering why this class is labeled a spring class when it's obviously a summer class. Vacation, here I come!!

I'm keeping my eye on each final exam date. The last that happened is, I came home from work, and then just logged into my Facebook without a care. I started playing some games and just chilling. Then I logged into my fansite called FruitsBlogsket, and at the corner of my eye I saw a particular date - Exam 2: March 1. The time was March 1, 12:00AM, I was playing games on my Facebook. I SCREAMED LIKE A GHOST POPPED UP ON MY MONITOR!

I crammed like a madman. I was really tired already and my brain isn't absorbing what I was reading. So I just prayed and fell asleep. Fortunately, I'm over that exam now. B+. Good times.

This week's pretty much light. It's not depressing. I like it.

Speaking of depression. I've been repressing my depression. Does that make sense? I believe it does. Sigh. Now, I don't know what I'm feeling. I feel okay, but it's not as bad as two weeks ago. Two weeks ago, I didn't want to do with anything. But I still went to school and I still went to work. I was just pushing myself to go, but the truth is I didn't want to show up. Maybe I was just tired at that time. Anyway, I'm feeling much better.

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PROFILE
sex: Male
location: classified
home country: Pilipinas
currently in: Canada

Jed David is a former BS Business Economics student in UP Diliman. He's working in the office to save for tuition fee and an airplane ticket. He's studying in the University of Winnipeg as a Business Admin and Computer Science student. He's a freelance photographer, a freelance writer, solo webadmin, webdesigner and an active blogger. He's a member of the modding community. He likes fastfood. He sucks at Math and Physics. He's no literary writer. He likes playing basketball but usually ends up with a few broken bones. He's so lame he gets nosebleed on his first step on the stairs. He's such a loser... *negative remarks*. Overall, he's eccentric. Oh. And he's favorite Love Hina character is Shinobu -- they're both Scorpio.

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